Work! Kids! Friends! There’s so much going on in our lives that finding a time to chill can sometimes lead to more stress, a phenomenon dubbed “stresslaxing.” If it’s not clear, this is a paradox where trying to unwind actually pumps up anxiety, leaving someone more stressed than before. But why? And what can we do about this?
The Vicious Cycle of Stresslaxing
Recognizing the need to relax is an important first step in combating stress. However, the pressure to find the perfect way to unwind can often have the opposite effect. Dr. Michael Schirripa, a psychiatrist and author, explains that “stresslaxing” happens when someone who’s stressed out forces themselves to relax, only to find that the whole thing cranks up their anxiety. This counterproductive cycle can lead to heightened worry about how effectively one is relaxing, thus perpetuating stress.
Deborah Serani, Psy.D., a professor at Adelphi University, labels this phenomenon as “relaxation-induced anxiety.” Research indicates that individuals who already struggle with generalized anxiety or overthinking are more prone to this issue. Moreover, those who experience stresslaxing are more likely to have panic attacks or depressive episodes because of this issue.
The Brain’s Resistance to Relaxation
The human brain, specifically the amygdala, plays a significant role in why forced relaxation is so tough to achieve. The amygdala is on the constantly lookout for danger, a trait that comes from evolution. Dr. Schirripa explains that our brains are designed to worry, a mechanism that historically kept us safe from threats.
For people dealing with anxiety, worry, and rumination, this constant vigilance makes it hard to “turn off” and relax. Serani adds that some individuals may avoid being calm because it can bring up negative thoughts or traumatic memories. Yikes.
External and Internal Pressures
Both external pressures and internal dynamics contribute to the difficulty of finding true relaxation. External pressures, such as work, family, and social commitments, often leave individuals feeling like they are always “on.” This constant state of alertness makes it hard to carve out personal downtime.
Serani explains that the mixing of work and leisure time makes the issue even more instense. In the past, work ended at 5 p.m., and weekends were reserved for rest. Today, we’re so connected that work and play have melded into what sociologist Dalton Conley of Princeton University calls “weisure.” This lack of clear boundaries makes it very hard to relax without feeling guilty or unproductive.
Some people fear that relaxation will lead to boredom or, worse, force them to confront their inner thoughts and feelings. This internal resistance creates a barrier to achieving a relaxed state.
Health Risks of Chronic Stress
Chronic stress is linked to high blood pressure, which can lead to heart attacks and strokes. But that’s not all! Chronic stress can also lead to fatigue, ulcers, headaches, backaches, difficulty concentrating, and irritability. Serani states that without regular chill time, depression and anxiety can escalate, leading to social, relational, and interpersonal difficulties.
Practical Strategies for Effective Relaxation
Techniques like visualization, muscle relaxation, massage, breathing exercises, meditation, prayer, and yoga can help trigger the relaxation response.
Here are some practical tips to set relaxation in motion:
1. Set Boundaries: Make a clear distinction between work and home life. Think about powering down your tech early each night to avoid the constant barrage of notifications and work-related stress.
2. Benson Relaxation Method: This involves sitting comfortably, closing your eyes, and intentionally relaxing all your muscles from your feet to your head while breathing slowly. Begin with 5 minutes and slowly work up to 20 minutes as this becomes more comfortable.
3. Focus on a “Done” List: Instead of dwelling on your to-do list, create a “done” list to celebrate your accomplishments. This shift in focus can help you stay in the moment and encourage relaxation.
4. Short Meditation Sessions: Studies show that even 5 minutes of deep breathing, silence, and restfulness can improve mental and physical functioning. Use guided meditation apps or simply enjoy a quiet moment to yourself.
5. Sensory Grounding: Use the “5,4,3,2,1 Technique” to ground yourself. Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This exercise can reduce anxiety and make relaxation more attainable.
By digging into the complexities of stresslaxing and making these strategies into a reality, you can stop the cycle of anxiety and find genuine relaxation.
